I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
