Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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