You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
