The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
