Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
