I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
