it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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