I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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