At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
