Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
