Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
