btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
