At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
