I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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