porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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