Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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