Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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