Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
