It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
