in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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