I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
