He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
