I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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