Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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