Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Couch. On fire.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize