awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize