I hate your face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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