Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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