my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
