If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
