you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
