Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
