Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
