yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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