If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
