goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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