Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's like iHOP with fire
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I deserve this hangover.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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