You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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