I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
