My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
