Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
