We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
