Non-Jews are for practice
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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