Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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