Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
