toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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