I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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