just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize