ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
