It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.