DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.