Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

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(858): View more from California

I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.

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(541): View more from Oregon

next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME

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(210): View more from Texas

Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.

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