Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.

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  (412): After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me. http://tfl.nu/f4ue
  Replies (85) Good night (2855) Bad night (712)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.

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  (240): She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/tjxq
  Replies (36) Good night (6944) Bad night (765)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper

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  (516): my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper http://tfl.nu/iwmr
  Replies (12) Good night (3923) Bad night (986)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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  (917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu
  Replies (14) Good night (1227) Bad night (4959)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

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  (434): Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing" http://tfl.nu/nbg8
  Replies (4) Good night (2459) Bad night (1094)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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  (610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w
  Replies (2) Good night (1627) Bad night (861)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing

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  (269): he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing http://tfl.nu/dbp3
  Replies (6) Good night (1354) Bad night (2560)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home

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  (262): I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home http://tfl.nu/e4lh
  Replies (4) Good night (887) Bad night (605)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

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  (360): She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone. http://tfl.nu/5hxx
  Replies (11) Good night (849) Bad night (1366)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?

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  (631): Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"? http://tfl.nu/xfwq
  Replies (6) Good night (1311) Bad night (593)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.

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  (860): Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers. http://tfl.nu/ep00
  Replies (7) Good night (456) Bad night (1017)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You fed me pizza off a sword last night.

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  (360): You fed me pizza off a sword last night. http://tfl.nu/xrl7
  Replies (17) Good night (1495) Bad night (384)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"

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  (573): Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/taab
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (1288)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.

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  (618): There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister. http://tfl.nu/tdo0
  Replies (7) Good night (1515) Bad night (740)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand

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  (207): What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand http://tfl.nu/crhx
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (367)

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