When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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