today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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