i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
