You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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