I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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