Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
