my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All the doctor said was why
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
