Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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