about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
