we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
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I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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