he wants to bone in the snuggie
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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