I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I puked a lego.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
