I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
