Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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