who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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