I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
